Gandhi

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

         -Gandhi

I came across this quote one year ago, today as I was packing up the last of my stuff, saying terrible goodbyes and leaving everything comfortable to me.  I found this quote quite noble and extremely relevant to come across the day I am leaving to come to Asia.  I had it saved on my phone and it looked at it occasionally.  I stayed with it for many months, I will go home with such a sense of who I am and I am being with these girls, my friends.  At first I kind of took this as my anthem, my words for ‘mission’ and my time here.  Then several months later I looked at these same words and was not too impressed, actually a bit disgusted, not at Gandhi, of course but of me, for thinking of this experience of something for myself.  I hated that I had this quote that spoke of finding myself rather than talking about the others.  I kept thinking, I am here, to be here, to serve, to enjoy, hang out and teach with these girls, I’m not HERE to learn about myself.  And that has stayed with me solidly since also, putting my wants aside, and yes, hello I’m not always great at it, HUMAN…but that being here as a volunteer isn’t only about teaching English, but living with them.  Now, one year after I wrote and stuck to this quote, I do understand it a bit more, I think.  Now I am still with the idea before of me not being solely here to find myself, but as I reflect on this last year, I don’t think “finding yourself” comes to you all at once, but I do definitely see the losing yourself part.  I lost a bit of just about everything, PRIVACY-sharing what I call my HOME with over a hundred others, them asking me what I was doing up so late if they can see my light still on at night, being asked to remain silent by the Sister as I am headed to my room multiple times, CONFIDENCE-not being able to communicate at times, not teaching effectively, questioning every little thing, PRIDE-learning to say Yes, Sister and helping in ways I am not necessarily qualified or even good at but I try, sarcastically WEIGHT-due to the little critter that tagged along in my stomach for a while, and also losing myself in so many other ways.  Have I enjoyed every single moment?  No, there were moments, minutes, hours and rarely but sometimes days of frustration, but I am truly happy I chose to come and to stay a bit longer. Coming home in June, YALL.

December/Advent-

Wow, went in a flash.  I love the season of advent, the readings, the preparation, the waiting, it was so neat to sit in mass remembering this time last year as we were preparing for Christmas and I was preparing to come and to see it all one year later.  But at school we had a Christmas Bazaar- a fundraiser for the school, the students all had some sort of program whether dancing, singing or a skit, then they were in a group of selling food and then all of the oratory girls had games to get a bit of money as well.  We had many, many people and the girls had a blast and made a bit of money also. The day before one of our teachers got married. Then one week later we had a Christmas play, a Khmer, businesswoman version of A Christmas Carol.  Then all the girls headed home for our week of Christmas holidays.  Christmas in Cambodia was a bit strange.  First off, Buddhist country so the day wasn’t even a national holiday, kids were at school and people at work, it was warm, definitely no snow here and the house was so, so quiet as all the girls were home and us volunteers and the Sisters were spending some time talking to family over the computer.  We did have a grand meal together and mass Christmas morning was simple, but beautiful, but so different than any Christmas I have experienced.    

As always, some pictures!

This is my lovely uniform and some of the girls at our Christmas party at school.

Our Christmas gifts!

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Staff Party

Christmas Day!

Goin' fishin

Playing Bingo

After the Christmas Play with the ghosts!

such attitude

one of the models in the fashion show

Tr. Borey's wedding